“You Say Goodbye… I Say Hello”

I find it incredibly difficult to believe that it has taken me this long to write an entry based around genius of Lennon and McCartney. Such a fun song but what I want to talk about is the subtle meaning in this that juxtaposes the upbeat tempo and bright chord progression (that line was so pretentious even I wanted to heckle myself, BOOOOOOO!!!!) anyway lets put the pretension aside and dive straight into this entry as I bear my soul and process out loud.

The subtle meaning that I am referring to above is about miscommunication, when one person completely hears the opposite of what is being said. I feel as though I have recently been plagued by miscommunication in the past few months and wanted to share a bit about how I feel, what I feel people can do to avoid and how to look for the best in the midst of painful circumstances that stem from miscommunication.

First things first, why am I even talking about this, in recent months various areas of my life have been going through transitions (that totally sounds like menopause but its not) and as is the case with most transitional periods I have been hurt by miscommunication and this season has been no exception, but why is this? It feels very easy to point out the obvious and just say “oh its just differing styles” or “Oh its just teething issues” but I genuinely believe that the reason so may people are hurt in the transition process is poor communication from both a predecessor and the decessor (logic dictates that this should be the correct term). Miscommunication has always left me feeling undervalued, marginalised and  left out especially in a transitional time as the lies that come along with this are “you’re not worth being informed”, “you are no longer required” and “your time is now over” this all probably stems back to some unresolved childhood issue but I know that I cant be the only one that has these feelings.

So practically, how can this be avoided?

In most cases of miscommunication I am not unhappy with a decision that has been made but the thing that upsets me is that I haven’t been part of the journey, In a church setting this in particular makes me feel like a replaceable cog that’s only use is to do the task at hand, I don’t feel like my opinion is valued or that my feelings are taken into account. As an aside while were on this matter I feel that during transitional periods within churches it is paramount to have the complete spectrum of gifting represented; Apostles (so that the new vision is cast), Prophets (to hear what God is saying in this all), Evangelists (to catch people up in the vision), Pastors (to make sure that no one is left behind in the process) and Teachers (to be able to pave the new way by showing others new ways/processes), the absence of when even one of these is not represented the chance of people being hurt in the process doubles (I haven’t really done any calculations its just for dramatic effect). In this recent situation the process lacked a Pastor and the element of family, and in the process I felt left behind, to quote Lilo and Stitch “Family means no-one gets left behind” I feel that this could easily be a moto for many things in my life but is particularly important in transitional periods. If we all have the mentality of no-one gets left behind we can defiantly minimise the number of casualties taken out but miscommunication,  one thing to think about is that no one has ever been offended by too much communication or being too informed.

While going through this I have learned that there is not just a part to play by the person who has hurt  you through miscommunication but the we too have a part to play as the hurt. As much as it hurts to be left out or miscommunicated the most  important part that we can play is after we have processed and in some cases challenged and spoken to the miscommunicatior is to then choose to believe that their intentions are good and that they do not want you to feel marginalised or hurt in most cases so choose to offer extra grace, you are not going to repair bridges but blowing them up every time a line is thrown your way.

I hope this has been helpful and if it hasn’t or ironically you have misunderstood me in any way at least this has been a very good cathartic exercise for myself.